Cracked

I spent two hours and a substantial amount of gas driving my daughter to an animal shelter that she had volunteered for online. Basically, she was only there three hours but it was long enough to see that some things just aren’t the loving answers they seem designed to be. I won’t go into the details of which there were many but suffice it to say that animals in cages just don’t thrive the way they are designed to and neither do humans. We are all in cages by the way. If you don’t think you are, then you’ve failed to see the reality of human civilization the way it has developed thus far. Probably the very idea that we are getting more advanced or intelligent in terms of how we live is the greatest or will be the greatest deception of all. That sounds like a shitty thing to say I know. The idea that we are all moving towards a better future, if we just work hard enough or smarter, is very alluring but I think it’s better to know what you’re dealing with.

If you don’t or can’t see what a silly bunch of morons humans basically are at this point in time, then you’re not seeing. I’m not saying anyone on earth could have prevented what their thoughts, experiences, and emotions dictated them to play out, I’m just saying that’s how it basically is. Personally, I keep my distance from most interactions that could in some way become personal. I only actually communicate with those few and rare people who have been on this same journey, most of them for as long as I have if not longer. All but a couple of these are former Jed students, just like I am. I sometimes wonder how Jed even messed with it, like where did he find the motivation to even try to help knowing exactly what he’d be up against? I think it’s a testament to how this whole thing really works for no one in their old mind would ever take it on, a person’s sense of selfishness while addicted to their character is just too much. I suppose that’s also how it survives so well and so tenaciously. Jed was very careful to keep himself hidden from those whose ego’s would either try to cling to him or involve him in the drama of their imagination. Once you really grok how this selfishness aspect works, I can tell you this, while you’re out and about, whether at work or just shopping, you’ll hardly open your mouth to say more than please and thank you. I’m not saying it’s bad either, since on this journey a healthy dose of selfishness is actually required to untangle yourself from the whole mess of humanity. How else are you going to take an abrupt turn away from the herd and start walking in the opposite direction? The tentacles of this selfishness aren’t few but many, they are more like little flashes of energy that put out feelers for a ripe recipient. This isn’t evil, it’s entertainment. Never forget the show must go on. Almost all present industries rely on this selfishness to continue and if it were to ever die out, every economy would go right out with it. So that will never happen, not in our lifetimes, nor the next, nor the next, and let’s maybe hope not because it’d be right back to the stone ages if it did. I don’t know about you, but I like the bugs outside my living space, and I don’t want to sleep with them.

The way I see it is if there was ever to be a massive cultural change in how humans survive and proliferate or perhaps don’t, it will take one hell of a monstrous catastrophe to accomplish it. I sometimes like to play with the idea of something going down. My favorite scenario is probably the EMP event where some nuclear cataclysmic explosions in space wipe out and render all electronically inclined items to become instantly nullified forever. That would mean no more phones, no more cars or trains, all air born planes would just drop out of the sky instantly, no trucks, no food because no factories, no tractors either, hospitals ended, dental work ended, schools ended unless it’s back to an old rustic school house powered by one adult and a chalk board, all communications would be over, emails defunct just like that, maybe just back to the pass me down information by those still left to carry on or carrier pigeons, wow was that really a thing, how did they get the birds to go along with it, I might call bullshit on that whole story. Of course, the mayhem would be astronomical. Financial systems would be over, all payments wiped out by a single electronic mishap. That would be the good part. More than half the worlds inhabitants waking up owing absolutely nothing. Perhaps there’s a global moment of glee before the swaths and swarms of desperate people would storm the city centers, then when everything was pillaged and used up there they’d move outwards, taking over anything in their path that promised survival. Fuck, I guess we could see what all the egos are really made of when the chips are down. Just how fast would all religious, moral, and ethical codes be forgotten? A week, a month, maybe a year? Entertainment would be zero, since you are the entertainment, only you and your own mortality would be left to contemplate. Could it happen? Just like that? One minute you’re going to bed early so you can rise and shine for another day at the office and the next you’ve been plunged into some strangely silent existence devoid of television and You Tube videos. Some families would stick together. Probably the strongest bond in existence is the family though some religious groups would probably form or bond more tightly. Strength in numbers could be a thing again, but would anyone get along? I very much doubt it. The minute anyone even whispered, “Hey, I’m in charge”, they’d probably get shot. Not today pal, we know where that one goes and what it does.

On some level, as frightened as people would be, at first, I would think that a sense of long lost freedom might actually descend on everyone maybe culminating in people dropping to the ground in thanks, admiration, and in awe of the genius of creation to change it up, maybe finally. I’ve always wondered on some level what it’s really like to be in the herd and actually play a role in it, if you had a place in one of the more wealthy we don’t actually have a care in the world type of clans with all their long running generations of wealth and basically ease. Perhaps the rebels in those families just get bailed out and are maybe admired for going rogue and not adhering to all the family traditions. With enough money and connections, their families usually keep them out of any serious trouble, nothing a little vacation to Greece for some rest and rehabilitation can’t fix up. That just means they can hang out on the beach drinking a few beers by day, and lounging on some nice deck with a view of the ocean a few hundred feet beyond drinking some nice bottles of red wine to go with the gourmet meals they have delivered regularly. Probably each morning, hopefully not too early, a maid comes in to do the dishes, clean the linens, make the beds, and just keep the place tidy and respectable. During a catastrophe, these are the guys who would crack first. They would not view it as freedom, but the masses might.

Would we even try to rebuild, or go back to what we think we know and start the whole stupid process of civilization over again? Does anyone wake up from the whole shock? Or is it back to the old adage that only the strong survive, survival of the fittest and all that? The hearty, strong, and clever rise up again to enslave the others, hey, keep hitting those nails, build for me, toil for me, I’m your human master, without me you sleep in the woods with the wild boars and the hungry bears. There’s fire ants hiding out there, and they will eat you, painfully, they caution, do you want to be safe or alive? You pick.

The real crux of all this imagining is, are you in a world or are you in the world that you think is here? Which is it? Is it all only belief, or something else, and how are you believing in whatever you are believing in? Just what if any, are the parameters? Does majority rule when it comes to whether or not there’s a mountain? Who or what is actually in control of your life? And why do you own so much shit? Could you carry any of it anywhere if you had to? What if anything would you take with you if you knew you were leaving and you’d never be back? What would be essential? Your perfumes? My son likes to buy me perfumes. I didn’t own any before but now I have two pretty bottles, both gifts. Did I stink? Did I give off some foul old person oder? No, I don’t think that was it, he just wants me to imagine some luxury for a change, maybe I should try, after all if it’s all just our own imagination, then what’s the problem? Shouldn’t we be imagining whatever we want to? Why think you’ve got any parameters if there aren’t any beyond the confines of your own imagination? What if anything is real? Is nature real or did we all just imagine that too? How did they build those pyramids? Or the castles? How did they move those stones, assemble them into such magnificent structures and with what? Their hands? Did they just carry all those stones and put them in place, wherever their imaginations told them they should go? Are we all just hallucinating? What does that even mean? Do I see grass and trees where there’s nothing? We’re going to the nature trail for a walk but are we? Is it really 101 degrees outside right now because that’s what the internet told me? Or is that made up, too? Are other people just ghosts, flickers of energy in my own mind? You’d be wise to wonder.

If I had a lazy or condescending husband, I’d show him the door and say, “Get out”, and I very much doubt I would stop to think about him again. I don’t have relationships because I very much doubt my tolerance for bullshit would be adequate in this regard, it might actually be zero. Children on the other hand are much easier because their heart’s desires are so visible, and ultimately pure on levels that most adults lost long ago. I never get impatient because I know the underlying condition is really love and the world narrative is maybe trying to corrupt it, but, not yet. My non reaction to shit seems to work wonders, because they always come back to me and tell me they were triggered, and I say, “I already know so don’t worry about it.” Of course, as giving as I can be with my children, I see this reflection coming right back on me again and again. They cook for me and clean for me. They will comfort me whenever I need it or encourage me. It’s not a one way street with them. I think what you give is actually reflected right back on you. Maybe that’s what we’re really missing in this inverted version of the world, the idea that you can take and not give equally in return has deleterious and devastating effects, not just on individual health and well being but on huge multi-functioning facets of organizational structures. Wars may be misalignments but if they are, they are also the mechanism to correct this misalignment. Devastation has its purposes too. Maybe the governments who start these wars don’t learn but the people involved do. They invariably see how they were set up, and they don’t forget it. The bloody burning smell of flesh probably leaves a log in your mind’s eye. You can fool the people most of the time but not all of the time is an apt half Truth because they’re still fooled, just not by that. Their trauma lives on in the next generation where it then mutates into other insidious suffering events, all which are induced and utilized for the event horizon that everyone gets. The only reason the event horizon doesn’t work anymore is that they’ve all been seen as problems to solve and now we have interventions in place to reduce their actual impact, thereby reducing them to nonsensical events that mean nothing and go nowhere. Oh, but where they might take you, that’s the journey right there. My whole inner life was changed, and probably huge chunks of my outer life as well. I might still have an “unfavorable” credit score but I just say this, “Fuck em if they can’t take a joke.” I had my priorities, and it wasn’t on the list. They might blame me for it, but I didn’t get to choose either. No-one does, that would be an eye opening revelation right there if it ever got out and publicized, but then we wouldn’t need all the surveillance equipment and policing professions and the economy might suffer a lot of job losses, not to mention the lack of drama would put people not just to sleep but into a state of catatonia and we can’t have that. A certain amount of tension and drama is required to keep the players playing their parts and showing up for the production or we all fall asleep and never wake back up. Probably the Black Plague was one such event, life just got too fucking dull for too fucking long. I think that’s exactly what we’ve been inching our way back to. Dullness might be relaxing, but it’s also deadening, so drama is required.

Honestly, I’m in a good mood these days, very good actually. I watch everything with an air of detachment that I think wasn’t here before. For instance, I noticed on the news recently that they are going after the Fauci guy again for the whole Covid debacle as if pulling this one seriously old guy down would solve anything. When Covid was happening, I knew he was lying, but whether he was doing so intentionally or not, does it really matter when we are all lying to ourselves and others all of the time? What they could be doing instead of asking him why he thought and said what he did, is asking how so many were so easily sucked into his narrative. After all, he was just one guy and he wasn’t the one arresting people for jogging without a mask on. If they want to go after him, why not round up everyone who imposed stupid rules as well like doctors who wouldn’t allow their Covid patients to have visits from their own family members and ended up dying alone in a sterile hospital bed? How fun would that be something reminiscent of the inquisitions or the witch hunts? Or they might be asking why did anyone believe him or go along with his story because why go along with anything? What the fuck for? Why take anyone’s advice on anything? How did one guy become the arbitrator of any Truth? If it’s all imagination, then his imagination did what it liked, he was the star of his show for a while, and he probably enjoyed this immensely, while it was happening, and now, not so much. I’d say if they want to make an example out of him, it could be an example of how having authorities is a dumb idea since no one actually knows anything and can only imagine they do. Perhaps it’s a lesson in silence or keeping your mouth shut, that it’s always prudent to keep your thoughts to yourself since you never know how a single story will take on a life of its own. We might view it as a lesson in imagination. It only starts to appear as if something is going on once many fully believe in it, and fuel it with the emotional energy of fear. Now the stage is energized and whole production can play out but if you played along, whether victim or victor, that’s on you, not anything nor anyone else. No one can make you believe in anything and just because they make a lot of suggestions, doesn’t mean you have to accept them. Freedom if there is such a thing is making up your own lies to believe in, they’re not true but they are yours and it’s definitely more fun that way.

So there you are, you’ve got some ideas of what you’d like to believe in but how do you do it? How do you fuel your own beliefs because you’re already doing this and just don’t know it. This is really the crux of all this awakening stuff, it’s not really spiritual in a holy way, it’s more mechanics. The whole world is spirit, not just some nice part that you want to rope off and claim. Humans are really just the most gullible species in that from birth, their own parents indoctrinate them into a rigid belief system that is hell to get rid of. Everyone has it, so no one knows how weird it really is. You can see this for yourself anytime you like. There’s no blindfold attached to your eyes that you don’t put on every morning with your own two hands. The truth is as a species we want to believe in lies, because that’s just what we do here. We’re really all just children who want to be told a fairy tale so we can feel like everything’s okay, and we haven’t been thrown into a violent mix of madness from which we will never emerge unless of course, you do emerge. Then you’re finally sane, and you walk in and around the crazies for the rest of your life. Maybe that’s why Jed did what he did, he wanted to talk to anyone who at least suspected it was all bullshit, instead of talking to all the ones who only want to uphold it and add to it with all their delusions. Now when anyone else says anything you just nod and think, “Sure buddy, whatever keeps your boat afloat the longest, it won’t actually float, but by the time you figure that out, it will be too late. The hour is too late already. When will you see even that much?” Now they are staring at you, and you wonder if you said anything, you don’t think you did, am I looking at you strangely? I probably am. The fact that I really look seems to ruffle their feathers. Can they tell I’m actually looking? Do they intuit it? “She’s an odd one”, maybe they’re sensing. “That’s putting it mildly”, I think.

And I know I’m only dreaming. If I could go back, would I choose the blue pill? The answer is swift and obvious. Fuck no.

Here’s your song.