Go Your Own Way

Just for fun, I thought I would watch the president of this country and his recent 60 minutes interview, just to see what I would see. What patterns do I see in this character and all that? I’m going to be writing, in between watching so I’ll start with the opening. He’s asked about the midterm defeat and he says he wasn’t on the ballot, and he implies if he were there’d have probably been a better outcome. Shit, this guy is a God in his own mind, that’s pretty clear. Then he talks about how there was love, real love at his rallies, how they were so full people couldn’t get in and I’m pretty sure that’s not accurate from another pair of eyes, but maybe let’s assume that’s what his eyes were seeing. He imagines it all like this, crowded overflowing rallies, and he says, “no more room” just this overwhelming outpouring of people who wanted to see and hear him. Yeah, that’s a pretty nice dream for someone who maybe wants or needs to stand out and be praised, of course it’s delusional but only in the sense that we are all delusional. Then he says that people didn’t like the war in Iran and the gas prices, although he says gas prices were higher under Obama and Biden which I fact checked with AI. Apparently on average, if you average out the prices during their terms, Obama’s was lower than Trumps so far this term, but higher than his first term, Biden’s was basically one cent lower than Trumps second term. He’s right to say gas prices were lower then both of them during his first term, but not his second. I mean does he not know this? So that’s a little deceptive. My figures came from AI, but does AI actually tell the Truth, or is that also some type of dream machine? You’d be wise to wonder, I’d say.

Then he talks about ending wars around the world which according to Chatgpt is not accurate. He then claims to have prevented a nuclear war between Pakistan and India no doubt saving millions of people which is untrue since neither side was probably even considering it at that stage so pretty fanciful and definitely some sort of personal stretch of the imagination. India apparently denies he had any involvement in whatever negotiations they might have had to come to a peaceful resolution, only Pakistan actually says he did. So yeah, just really weird so far, but apparently he feels this need to toot his own horn. What does that tell me? Well, his accomplishments can’t stand on their own, he needs to assert them and keep reasserting them in some over the top way, so that’s some type of underlying insecurity there. I’d say it’s a kin to a kid being punished for something he thinks he didn’t do quite repeatedly, now he has to prove himself worthy or even credible on some level, and so he embellishes everything in a rather insane way since no one actually believes him. The facts of what he’s saying say otherwise, but he believes it alright. He thinks he is being forthright, totally honest, so in his mind, everyone who isn’t him or on his side is delusional. They are seeing things wrong because they don’t give him the credit he feels he deserves. I’m wondering now whether he had siblings and who was ahead of him in rank in the family. So I looked that up, and there were five children. He was number four, but it’s worth noting that his brother, the youngest child was born when he was 2, so that would have impacted him quite a bit. Being just two, and having a baby arrive who needs a lot more care probably played a factor in all this, as it’s hard to get sidelined that young plus there were three older siblings who were 6, 10, and 11 when the last child, the baby was born. That’s a busy household right there. I looked a bit into the family history, and from that, gleaned it all made perfect sense, how he dreams what he dreams that is. We think there’s a right and a wrong way to dream, but I’d sat no, not really, it’s basically just what your childhood history gives you and how you navigate the opportunities that show up after that. His father was already a wealthy businessman by the time Donald was born so that’s all he really saw. The dream of wealth was embedded in him and it has obviously stayed there. That’s not a mystery, it’s really no different if the dream of poverty is embedded in you. You can get rid of it, but that’d be some inner work there. The ripping away of all these layers isn’t mindfulness, it’s destruction, you destroy what lives in you as you, does that sound like fun? No, it’s not. Why does it hurt though? Because it’s become a part of you, a part of your inner makeup, or configuration, and you’d be tearing this out, or burning it, setting it on fire in some cosmic way, and that amounts to pain, pains in the body, and emotional and mental anguish, that’s how it comes out in experience.

Okay, then they talk about the candidates who lost and there’s some words about that, but he kind of fights back here, and brings up the one guy who did win in Florida. He doesn’t give the guy credit though and says he’s the reason he won, so he sees people as not achieving anything without him or his influence, which is how he fights back about the defeats. He talks about how he flipped blue states during his presidential campaign which I’m not sure how that factors in, except that he thinks they should have stayed that way. Then he says he thinks that people just didn’t vote, that was the problem which is basically just kind of comical. Then the guy brings up the economy, apparently there’s much less unemployment, probably because no one can survive without a job now, getting much harder, everyone in the household must work or you don’t eat kind of shit. When the guy does bring up the economy and the prices or affordability of living, he says it’s great, it’s better than it’s ever been. So either he’s basically living in a bubble, he has no idea what things used to cost because shit maybe he never noticed. He probably never went grocery shopping for his family, that’s not how he dreams it, so he can’t actually relate to what prices of anything are doing. He probably never went car shopping, he just thought, “Oh, I like the look of that car” and sent someone to buy it for him. He didn’t have to look at price tags. He’s never had to do this. Yeah, that’s what I think. He has lived his whole life in a dreamt world where prices didn’t matter, so he has no reference point to how ordinary people live. When he talks about his economy numbers, he references the stock market. His idea of money is just what is the stock market doing, is it going up or down? Then he says it lost a trillion dollars just the other day because of the election, and the democrats. So if anything goes on there, it has to be the doing of some other force, a malevolent force which is what politics is to him. Politics in general is battling malevolent forces who don’t serve the stock market going up. Of course, not everyone plays the stock market, some of us don’t even know what the fuck that is, because quite frankly it’s an imaginative game and you are either indoctrinated into playing it or you’re not.

Then he goes off on Iran having a nuclear weapon, so yeah, he believes Iran is a threat, which of course is some delusion. Then because he’s so adamant about this Iran thing, he doesn’t let the host get a word in edgewise. He basically isn’t really having a conversation at this point, because he feels threatened. He’s feeling attacked that the guy keeps bringing up prices for the average person, like why would he do that? He’s starting to clearly feel that he’s under attack, something like the interview is set against him, the agenda of the interview is to paint him in a bad light, he’s getting this sense because he can’t answer the question of the price thing. I think because he doesn’t actually know what a price is, he’s got no reference point to it.

Okay, after that it really rambles on. It kind of all blends together for me, immigration, bad people, Iranian nukes, AI race with China, just really fantastical shit right there, nothing the average person actually knows anything about or will ever experience. He becomes a lot more relaxed and animated during this part. The interviewer has also backed off a lot, he’s clearly trying to manage him on some level by not inciting him, otherwise he doesn’t get to ask his questions. He can’t play as an equal, there’s no equality in this conversation, because Trump has to dominate and direct it to some degree or he starts to feel off like he’s losing something, maybe control. Definitely a control freak in there, his way or the highway sort of thing, probably got that from his father. If you’re on his side, it’s all great, but if not, watch out. He talks about sending someone to jail, or threatening them with it. Something to do with AI and what they were doing with it, but he doesn’t tell us what it is so it’s really just a vague sort of threatening behavior he’s got going on there. Something like, “We’ll take you out if we feel like it, you don’t get to explain”, kind of scary stuff.

It’s actually kind of weird for me to be doing this, to be sort of evaluating this character because that’s all it is, that’s all I’m doing, what I’m looking at. Of course, we want to like some characters and not others, but in reality it’s not even like this. This one has had some really fantastic dreams as far as wealth and privilege go that’s for sure, but is that a crime? Nothing about the outer will ever tell us anything about the inner so we don’t really know what type of life it was and is, just that it was and is one and we all get that. We are after all here to do just that, dream. What’s most interesting to me is that we all believe in the dreams of others. We think they are true, and we don’t even consider that maybe they’re not. The only real reason I might describe this guy as having a life of privilege is more telling about my own character who thinks she didn’t get any. Most people alive right now think this guy is actually running a country, maybe one they live in, but he’s not. No one I dare say is actually running anything but a movie projector in their mind’s eye but this just seems too far out after all what about the prices? Why are they all going up? Well, sometimes that’s just how dreams go, collectively that is. All sorts of shit, can collectively take off and seem like the reality of some time period you are in. If it wasn’t like this, then no one would be able to join in some big drama, we’d all walk around and say, “I’m not seeing that” and just think each other insane, which is maybe what we should be doing about now. Of course, how it really happens is that we all mostly agree on reality itself which just means that we share the same beliefs about ourselves and about the world we think we live in. It only seems a mystery if you’ve never actually explored any of it. Once you do, then it’s another animal all together, like zebras, the perfect ying and yang animal, here it’s light, and now there’s dark. I actually think it’s possible to be in the same place at the same time and have two totally different dream sequences going on so all those packed stadiums of fans this guy sees, he probably really sees. We might think, oh no that’s crazy, it wasn’t like that, I was there and I saw lots of empty seats, so he’s lying, and people do lie. Basically lying is when you know you’re telling some untruth, and you say knowingly that something was one way when you know it wasn’t. We actually think we can tell when someone is lying, that’s what the whole lie detector test is for, but what if someone isn’t lying? What if it’s just a case of one’s inner visions and experience being totally different then another one’s? You’d be surprised, I know you would, if you actually peeled the onion of your own mind back far enough.

The fact that there’s no one to blame for your own experiences even when they seemed to involve other people sounds crazy as shit. I know how it sounds, after all people have experiences of being attacked or even murdered by other people, and surely they don’t just bring that on themselves. Such dreams are obviously horrific, but yeah, there’s no one else actually there, not in Truth anyway. Something inside you has conjured up the scenes, the actors, and you are all of them. You alone are dreaming it. Well, then you might say, “What about a child?” what if something happens to them, how could they just be dreaming it, and I don’t know what to say about that whether it’s some pattern from another life or just the initial dream sequencing that’s already being passed on after the first breath or even during the first sensations we maybe feel in the womb. There’s really no way to know how it all goes down. All I really know is the stage is empty, the characters are not as real as you think they are. I’m not saying you don’t experience them as being real, every person has awareness but the shell itself, the projection of the body and its actions, it’s just not there even if your mind says, “Look I can touch this person and tell you they are as solid and fleshy as the next one.” What we fail to take into account is the sheer velocity of power that our own imaginations and these projections have over us after all, most commonly our whole life is really in service to it, because without this projection, we don’t have one, we’d be unable to experience anything.

It’s hard to imagine I know that traumas at the hands of what we once believed to be our parents or anyone from our past, is just not really true in any Truth sense of the word. That all sorts of spectacles are recorded now, seemingly providing concrete evidence of goings on is just that, seeming to our minds and to the minds of anyone alive who’s been brainwashed into the systems we live within, only this brings them to life again and again, usually to our own detriment. I can say this, as long as you can still blame anyone or anything for something that happened to you in the past or even what happens to you today, you would not be awake. Yes, the systems we live inside basically suck. They are not life sustaining and they almost always bring about more misery if any joy. Human mind creates it, but it is not an intrinsic part of reality itself. There is no such thing as revenge, or vindication, or justice at all. It is all fabricated and only ever serves to keep us in this limiting mind set that we rely on others, on social situations, worldly circumstances such as economy or war, or anything really, it’s all of it inside of our own imagination. If we knew better than to believe in stories that never free us we might then use this imagination to live our lives We will never actually live our lives then because from this idea set, you are a prisoner and there’s no freedom in it. And yet, a dream is only a dream after all. I would say this as well, it is no indication of whether you are actually awake or not, what does show up as your life.

There is however a way to live without succumbing to suffering and/or beliefs that will ultimately stifle you and this is really the life long movement of one who seeks to escape from the grip of all the suggesters and suggestions which surround a person on just a normal day. Even a minor irritation should be seen as an opportunity to cleanse oneself of a lie that has burrowed its way into you and your life. If you can wrap your head around the fact that nothing is out there and it’s all just your own imaginings, then you pull at the string that’s creating it. That’s really what I do with this writing, it’s how I pull at these strings but there’s another side to it as well, the inner feelings that I have to deal with, mainly its the fear that lives inside that you have to find a way to deal with or release, in some way, probably there are thousands of ways, and you have to go with the one that comes up, something that ends up actually working to dissipate it. Of course, we don’t want to do that, no one does, no, we want the good life. We see and look to the stories of joy or the peaceful expressions of guru’s past and want to go straight to that without any detours. I wish it worked that way. Everyone wants to believe there are easier ways. Some will pay to be instructed in them, anything, any system or story that promises an easier way, easily becomes popular, but does it work, that’s the only litmus test, are you totally free, now and forever? The path to that is maybe harder than we’d like to think it is, but somehow that’s the real journey you’re on, the one everyone is on.

I know for myself, I had a lot of criticisms of this world and what goes on here. Obviously, the troubling aspect is the greatest hurtle, for why do we need to suffer or hurt each other so often seems to be so central to it, to seeing what is and isn’t possible. We think we know things, or see things in the world, in the social fabrics that could be different, and sure, that’s a thing, but if it is, it’s still just an idea you carry. All you can ever do is live and carry yourself in the loving ways you like, what else goes on even if you see it prominently displayed, (perhaps in some politician you feel is doing wrong) or on the street in front of you is something to walk around every time. You change yourself, that is all you can ever do. If something more or nice comes out of that, then that’s just your gift, not something you did but blaming worldly events will always drag you down, because blame itself is a suggestion that keeps you hooked into it and what does blame lead to? Anger right? Maybe even a type of pushback flows out of you, but where is it flowing too, this angry energy? I’ll tell you it’s flowing to something you don’t want to give your energy too. Whatever you give away in terms of energy expenditure will always deplete you, it doesn’t restore or replenish your own reserves. The only real idea worth keeping is that everything and everyone you see is a creation of awareness and it’s not up to you to determine the worth or significance of any of it. That’s just not your job, and if you make it one, this ugly unforgiving judging capacity will drag you down with it. That doesn't mean don't keep your distance from forces you know are errant, you have to read the rooms you frequent.

I had a chance to see how this mechanism works in real time here. What happened is I got this sore, this red spot on my hand, and I was like, “Oh my God what is that now? Why is that showing up?” I watched then how my own mind returned to this concern throughout the day, since you actually look at your own hands quite a bit, there’s no way around that. So it kept standing out to me, and this concern came with it, something like, “That’s not supposed to be there, it’s just not normal.” But it was there, and then I watched my mind how it kept going back to it, how it kept fortifying it. It’s inconceivable to us how something such as this could just vanish, and yeah, they usually don’t, we heal which takes time. We have learned that it’s our bodies ability to cure itself of cuts and whatnot, but what if that’s not the actual process? What if it’s really like a type of slow forgetting about something? Once you see that something is going away, you tend to stop focusing on it right? You think, “Ah yes, it’s doing what it needs to do and all is well, no need to worry.” Your mind then starts to think of other things, and eventually doesn’t come back to it, which is when it has completely vanished. You believe it healed, because that’s our common belief system, everyone knows that. We skin our knees in childhood, already we’re incurring injuries, and then we get the band aid. Of course, the band aid covers it so we can’t look at it, and we even forget it’s there this way. We think it’s a healing process then, it crusts over and all that, but really we’re slowly forgetting about it on a Truth level. Yes, certain things do appear to heal, there are processes that everyone goes through like first we stop bleeding or whatever but on a cosmic level, it vanishes. If it leaves a scar, then that’s a reminder of the event itself. Our bodies are really a reminder of all the events of our lives in some strange cosmic way but it’s a projection. We think we remember, and these memories are part and parcel of our energetic configurations, which is how if you have a big nose, you’re keeping your nose unless you have some surgery I guess.

Of course, we can’t function at all without some configurations, you really need all these time lines, visions, and just ideas of some world and your little place in it. That should be part of the fun of life and not a burden or an equation to solve. That we turned it all into some life long curse and not some life long explorations is the real tragedy. We should never stay the way we are, and really we don’t, we are always changing. Each new experience leaves a trace in our configuration for expansion or contraction. We can either get smaller and more confined or expand and explore while we are still young and able. Energy does wane as you get older in some degrees or other, at least I think they do, maybe that’s a belief I should rid myself of, I’m not sure, but I’m definitely wiser now than I ever was.

I think the strangeness of the story here is that I really started out as this absolutely fucked and stupid girl. I had no ways or means in me about the world or people or really just anything. I basically ran on emotions, usually and mostly fearful ones, and that’s all I had, that was the extent of it. What’s most fascinating to me is how I might have come to think the way I do at all, or even to know I was/am thinking which clearly I didn’t know before all this. The only thing I sensed before was that I desperately wanted to fit into something or even someone. I wanted to be accepted as something, as anything that was worth breathing. And ultimately, what I found is that this is something you can only ever give to yourself, to grant yourself the idea that you too were meant to be here, you were meant to live just as much as anything else in the universe is quite the revelation. Then even all the numerous, unending trials, heartaches, and breaks end up being worth it all. You were okay. There was a plan, there was a trajectory, it wasn’t all for nothing. What all your years of experiencing life’s fuckery did for you, was to make you sensitive, to make you pliable for what was to be revealed which wasn’t that you would maybe acquire some long lost status through it all but that you never needed any. You don’t become, you undo.

In Nagualism, the theory is The Eagle which is awareness consumes a person’s experiences, it either does this when you die all at once in one fell swoop or you can feed them to it through the sweeping breath, which creates a type of energy or maybe energy transfer. Of course, this is all analogy, no story is totally true, there’s no actual Eagle flying around beyond this reality or something like that, but the idea is that as you release these life experiences you really lighten your own load so to speak, which makes you more buoyant to all the forces you’re really navigating through out your life. Reactions diminish, both mentally and emotionally, so you become somewhat more energetically balanced which obviously makes life easier to maneuver through. And the best part, is that you establish a sort of connection to some guiding force, which is really some authentic movement that you would have always been privy to if you hadn’t been led astray in childhood and beyond. The guiding principal for whatever you use is really just this: Does it work? For some a little meditation is always going to be enough. Their lives don’t require too much of them already so maybe that’s all the impact they need to finish out their existence in some satisfactory way. Just be aware that you are aware, can and will do something for most people. They won’t rid themselves of delusion completely but who cares? Even Jed says it’s a silly idea to actually wake up, because there’s nothing you can do with it, except try to go back to sleep, suspend your completely annihilated belief in the whole charade and reassert it. This is easy for me because my children provide a framework for my life still and I’ve really just been following that all this time. The only telling thing is that it becomes harder as time goes on to buy into anything but there’s still play, like this writing, that keeps the fire in you alive. Love for beauty in children to me is one of those fires that will probably never go out around here and just the heart knows there. It has secrets undiscovered that are probably too numerous to ever discover. Bliss comes and goes then, as more and more movement is possible. Personally I think just this is a great reason to live, to be alive, you really don’t need any more than that.

Interestingly, I just finished the interview show and the very last part was a question to the president about death. Basically the question was first, “What do you think happens to you when you die?” His was the standard answer, “I hope I go to heaven.” Then the interviewer posed him this question, “If in order to get to heaven you have to forgive your enemies, would or could you do it?” And after they went back and forth a bit he said, “No, I honestly don’t think so. There are just some people I will always hate.” I don’t know, it was rather an honest answer since it would have been much easier, much less controversial if just for the sake of the interview, he just said, “Yes, of course, I would. I’m dead after all.” So, yeah, I mean I actually appreciate honesty. I don’t think it matters whether you forgive anyone or anything after you die, it only comes in handy while you’re alive. Why though? Why am I writing about such a prominent figure, a guy that is either loved and admired by some and absolutely hated by others? And it’s just this, this is the reason. If you think any of this pertains to your life, you’ll stay within the social contract that states how you believe it does will actually affect you in some way. We don’t know how, but you’re basically agreeing to stay in the territory of otherness and this one projection has millions upon millions of people locked into it which is really their very own lock. If you don’t unlock this, you can’t ever be free, not really. Look, I think there are other projectors, I don’t say there aren’t but what concerns me is not that I see them as they think they are but as I know they are, basically sparks of awareness lighting up the planet. Every single one of them, while sleeping, has to stay within the confines of the projections that their me sees and takes to be reality. This includes their thoughts, their feelings and their actions. It’s all involuntary from the sleeping position. There’s no way around this. But if I buy into any of it, either by pushing this one up or pulling that one down, regardless of how they look, what they do, how they appear to me or anything else, that is just my own chain wrapped around myself. It’s a worldly suggestion of course to be pulled into the drama, any drama, and it works very well. You can turn on the news to see how well it does work. My own children are sucked into it at least a little bit and you know I don’t try to talk them out of anything. My job is just to be the awareness that I am, that’s it. I trust it will take care of what it wants to do now, however it goes. I know I got a little dark in that last post. Maybe that was just what I was feeling that day. I don’t really know but I think I know that you don’t have to succumb to anything. There’s no forcing mechanism that holds you to any idea whether great or small or any other way, so do what you want, only you can decide how it will go. It really is up to us. It’s not some random selection process at all and there’s no reason one way is better than another. The only distinction is that it’s your way. You go your own way because that’s what you were made to do, to dream.