The Beginner’s Guide To Realizing There’s No Beginning

You want to “wake up”, become “enlightened” right? That’s what you think? Is this what you think you want? You’re going to satsangs, following some guru’s advice, reading Nisargadatta and Ramana Maharshi, meditating, sitting in silence trying to notice the presence that you are and once or twice a day you ask, “Who am I?.” You heard something might happen if you do all these things but you’re still waiting. You don’t really know what they are talking about, you wish you did. Is that you? Is this what you’ve been doing? Okay, well that’s cool. Maybe you’re finally starting to feel a little differently than most people, you want to be more aware, not just running on autopilot, maybe, at least at long last you’ve got a clue what life’s about, because it’s not all that other shit right? Probably you want out of that. You’re sick of all the shit going on in the world, not to mention all the shit this world has you doing, and what for, all to just survive for a little while? What the fuck for? This is getting old for sure. There’s too much work, all the people just act insane, bossy, and angry. Many of them are just a bunch of judgmental, constantly complaining, sniveling followers walking in lockstep with ignorance and going along with psychopathic political leaders but that’s not you. You probably wonder how they do it. It’s a mystery to you on this level. What are “they” thinking? You have no idea but you don’t like it so you’re going in this other direction.

You think you know if you wake up you might help this world, for each one that does wake up brings a little light to this place. Maybe that’s you, what do you say, sound good? How special would that be? Instead of just looking like a weirdo maybe you’ll finally get some respect, people can come to you for help instead? You could finally stop with all the following and question asking behaviors. I can’t really remember now how weird it feels to walk into a meditation class just to sit around with a bunch of other strange looking people while closing your eyes and trying to relax but we’ve all done it, at least in the beginning. Maybe you enjoy the group chat when it’s over and everyone acknowledges some higher functioning, since while the rest of the world acts mean and dumb as rocks, this exceptionally spiritual group is doing the right thing as everyone tries to sort of love each other on an energetic level while you each walk to your prospective cars. You get home then and you feel good. You think maybe you absorbed some cosmic vibes while you were there, surely that will finally bring you something, a little good luck could go a long way in your life about now, I don’t doubt it. We’ve all been there because let’s just say it. Life asleep sucks unless you’re filthy rich, which I doubt you are.

I know I should be more understanding, and really usually I can be, I’m just joking around about now but honestly, this stuff just comes out the way it does. I’m absolutely sure that your life really has sucked, because if it didn’t you wouldn’t want out of it, which is exactly what you’re asking for without even knowing it. I just hope you don’t really think that the whole world is on course to wake up so that we can make everything better. It’s a nice dream but exactly the kind of dream that ensures it will never happen. Besides that, thinking you might make a difference in this area is a really arrogant fantasy anyway. I’d say the only difference you’ll be making to anyone’s life will be zero, first things first, maybe you figure out yourself before you start fantasizing about other people. The very idea that something’s wrong might be a good place to start. How’d you learn that anyway? Where’d you get this idea? Do you even know? Have you ever wondered? Is there any possibility that things around here are rocking along just fine and always have? I’m just saying it’s a good question to ask because most never even consider it.

This place, this world is crazy though right? No one can deny that what with all the murders and wars, can they? It might even be coming upon end times again, this comes around every few eras or so. There’s a lot of strange stuff going on these days, isn’t there? Doesn’t the past prove this whole life cycle erupts with evil time and time again? Surely we’ve evolved enough to avoid it this time, don’t you think? Humans are too smart for the mistakes of the past aren’t they? Who really knows? Couldn’t World War Three break out on a moment’s notice and maybe take us all off guard? Maybe the spirits just like to keep us all at the edge of our seats with excitement, you can never be sure. We never actually know what’s going on in the minds of others, or how once they are all tallied up, where and how the chips may fall do we? History shows us that time and time again, civilizations end and humans never actually achieve anything. The only achievements ever made are but fleeting fantasies that one, two, or five hundred years from now will be where? Forgotten, totally gone except for the snippets of history left behind for the next bewildered generations of humans to find and wonder about. The ongoing saga of human events never seems to improve or luckily end but who cares? That’s another good question for you.

Awakening, do you really know what it is? You know what you’ve read, but how can anyone understand it? That understanding can’t come from what you are trying to understand it with, which is what? Just yourself, right? Or maybe you heard you would live in bliss forevermore, that’s how you want this, nirvana and moksha are enticing. It sounds like being stoned or on drugs for the rest of your life without the nasty side effects of social ostracism, jail, or living on the streets trying to scrounge out your next fix. This type of high is natural, it’s spiritual like being with God for the rest of your life. You’d be on a one and one basis with the highest authority, the creator itself, surely there’s a lot magic to that, maybe a few miracles will come your way, you can sit on a throne while all those other people come to ask you how they can do it, they see your happiness is unmatched, its unlimited, it doesn’t depend on worldly things. Or basically maybe you’re just love now, you’re filled with so much love that nothing else matters anymore, it’s all you can feel now. You’re finally at peace, nothing more to do. Yes, it’s all magic, no more bills, no more jobs but loving others, that should be easy, since you’d understand and you most certainly would understand, but that’s not the issue. What if the issue is only ever you? You don’t understand what happened to you and how your life went the way it did, maybe you’ll finally be able to get over it, no more births, no more deaths, eternal salvation is the prize, you’ll be finally free of the prison planet. That’s a worthy goal if there ever was one. Is that what you think? Is this what you’ve heard?

How about this idea? You’re already awake but you just don’t know it. We’re all exactly how we have to be. Are we? Are you? Or is this just another convenient cop out for those who will never figure it out? What is the Truth then? Does anyone know it? What are we doing here? Is there even an answer for this? Do we need an answer, do we need to know our purpose or is “purpose” also just a human construct, more shit to weigh us down? Maybe your purpose is just to be. Seriously that’s it, just sit there like a lump on a log and give in to that. How long do you think you’d be able to just sit there, not speaking, not doing anything? Not very long, you’d get tired, then hungry, thirsty, you’d long for something, there’d be movement inside of you and eventually you’d give in to it even if that meant something like, “I give up.” Maybe you go back to doing what you’ve always done but you’re doing something.

Silence, everything is in the silence so just meditate more. Your mind is always going. Do you just keep trying to shut it down or ignore it? Maybe everything will go away if you can find a way to pretend it will. Let’s all relax now, pay attention to your breathing, we’re letting everything go, now we’re going deeper, let your mind go to whatever it wants to. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? What are you sensing? Just feel that. No, you can’t get up. Those aren’t the instructions. The instructions are be still, play dead, and pretend you like it. I’m your meditation teacher, don’t forget you paid me to do this, to be your mentor, to tell you what to do. No, you don’t get to think for yourself, that’s what I’m for. I’ll tell you what to think and if it doesn’t work, then that’s on you, you’re not doing it right. If you follow my instructions your life will improve, and if not, well, that’s how it’s meant to be, it’s supposed to suck. Some people just can’t get it. It sucks but it happens. I can’t help with that. Probably your ego is blocking my teaching. Never forget, you’re not allowed to question my authority, I’m the awake one and you’re not, therefore suck it up. All emotions that aren’t loving are wrong, so you don’t get to yell at me or call me out because I’m the one out here on YouTube and it’s my awakening class. All eyes up here. I speak the Truth.

Here’s the thing. No one will ever speak the Truth but a few do come close. When they do, they don’t tell you what to think or show you how to stop bothering yourself with all your thinking. No, the real ones say, “Think harder”, or “Think for yourself for once in your life.” There’s no abdication of your own life force to anyone else’s instruction or direction. You don’t need help. You’ve gotten too much help already which is how you’re so confused. Everyone the whole world over is trying to help you. Schools help you become more intelligent. The doctor is there to help you get healthier. The government is there to help you stay safe and the guru is there to help you wake up. Have you ever wondered how you need so much help? Did life not give birth to you? It knew how to do that but then it quit and everyone and everything else had to take over. Yes, it’s true that we are born helpless, we’re infants, we need to be fed and cared for until the day comes that we can take over and do it for ourselves but has the day arrived or have we just abdicated this care to other agencies outside of our mother and maybe father? You couldn’t possibly figure out your own life all by yourself could you? Is that even legal? Or is that called going rogue now? What do you mean you have your own ideas? When did that happen? Hold on there, we’ve got a pill for that malady. You can’t just do what you want. That would be crazy, now get back in line and stay there this time. You can’t trust your thoughts or yourself. How many times do we have to remind you of this? You’d never make it on your own. Isn’t that how you came back for more help to begin with? Maybe, you actually uncovered something and you got scared. It was too much and back to the fold you go, eyes closed, mouth shut yet again.

What are you doing right now? Specifically what are you doing here reading these words? Do you know it precisely? There’s no doubt, no grey area, you’re not guessing right now, not just repeating something you already know, that’s what I’m asking. I’m asking if you know exactly what you’re doing right now and it’s like this every minute of the day for you. There is no question mark in your mind about anything so you’re good. You’re completely sure about yourself, your life, what it’s doing, and what you’re doing. I’m asking if from your perspective there can ever be another question about any of it. Well, what’s your answer?

Many can recite verbatim everything Nisargadatta or Ramana said. You’re consciousness. Consciousness is all. That is the end. Once you realize that you’ve done all you can and that much is true. Something else takes over at that point, so you’re finally out of it but it doesn’t really end there. It’s actually quite an amazing sort of journey if you have the eyes to see what it’s been able to do not just to your sense of self but to your life. This isn’t stuff that you could ever pull off although it does sort of work that way since it has to do with thinking right. Once you think right you’ll invariably start feeling right but first it will take years to get rid of all the shit you learned about awakening. Some of it is true but most of it is simply subjective experience seen through the eyes of someone else which you will never be able to do since you can only ever see through your own eyes. Yes, there can be moments of love or bliss, times when time itself is totally missing, but everything that was “you” is going to come out, not in some beautiful expression of creativity, that’s just a side gig to help you facilitate what is happening to you. No it’s more like a gagging sensation, you go around clearing your throat and hacking up wads of left over emotional shit that was stuck to your ribs or thighs, sometimes a tooth falls out from the force of all this expelling. If I was your guru I’d tell you to brush and floss. The more you think your teeth are okay the more they will be, not that you’ll need them all that much. Most of the time, you mouth really will be closed. It’s true you won’t talk much, since you know where people think they are and you know where you are and it’s not there. The divide is more like trying to stretch your arm across the Grand Canyon, it won’t reach. That’s absurd but it doesn’t matter. You never get lonely because you finally have yourself to talk to and that can get very interesting, much more interesting than let’s say the news or what all the other beings you imagine are saying. Suffice it to say, when you’re actually in your world there’s no reason to care about some other one. Of course, paths can cross if they’re meant to, but usually there’s a reason and you always find out what that is. It’s not random because nothing is random. There’s an intelligence to you that you finally discover that has nothing to do with education or degrees. Everyone comes with it but it gets buried under belief, mountains of belief laden ash and the smoldering heart wrenching embers of your past. Eventually that goes away and you won’t think of any of it ever again. It’s like you know those really bad movies, where it’s just too stupid to believe, you can pretty much guess what the characters are going to do before they show it? That’s your past now, a very forgettable thing.

I think everyone might start off in the spiritual marketplace. It’s like a catch all to ensnare all those pesky escape artists who think they can hack life and later find out they can’t. Life is going to have its way with you regardless of where you are or what you do. It will do what it wants and it always gets its way, which if we could see it, is always for the best. Maybe it’s just par for the course, you’re in this maze and there’s a million little exits along the way where you can veer off for a while to get a little rest from the actual process of ridding yourself of the mask that built up around what you really are. You might think humans are in the business of life exploration, we like to find out how things work, but it’s not really true. What humans are in the business of is creating systems of thought and ideas that keep this process from actually happening. It hasn’t always been this way, but it is now. Maybe life will steer humanity back in the direction of reality integration but I doubt it. Our resistance to this will probably wipe us off the map first. We’ve lost the capacity to imagine and the true imagination is too far out, too wild, to be accepted by any culture alive today except of course, the ones who still live in the untouched wildernesses of this entertaining but sickened mind we’ve somehow made to seem normal. If nothing else becomes clear once you see it, it’s that you’ll never be able to contort yourself to fit back into that again although you will try. The urge will be there on some level to go back but alas back disappears forever when you once see it was never there to begin with.

So what do you do? Where do you begin again and again? And the answer is right here with what’s right in front of you. Strive to see what that is first before you go searching for something else. You might have more there than you think you do, I’d say yes, it’s always this way. There’s much more. The Truth is not out there. It’s not with those people or with that activity. Why? Because it doesn’t have to be. Truth is. And that’s all that ever is. You were searching in vain for something you were already sitting on. Maybe let that blow your mind wide open. In the end, you see, you didn’t have to even begin. It was always already working. You thought you were on a path and then suddenly, that gives way, and you find you were the path. There was nothing else.