The Circle We Never Leave

What most, no let me change that to, almost all, people fail to ever realize is that their time on earth, in this form is limited. What might have been the one most important motivating factor in their entire lives gets completely missed. It is not until it really is too late that people realize they have squandered their entire lives on not just the most foolish shit, but they spend their time thinking about things that couldn’t, wouldn’t, could never, will never matter to anything in a billion fucking years. It’s truly shocking sometimes for me to watch it because watch it I must. This one is everywhere. There is no way that you could avoid seeing the results of this unless you closed yourself up, turned off all social contact in whatever form that takes because anywhere you go, any which way you look, it’s there. It’s not just peaking out of everything, no it’s blatant. I’m talking about an in your face observation that no one else ever seems to see. You have a limited time slot. Why are you spending even two seconds of it thinking about that? Who cares if it’s a bad hair day or you can’t find a parking spot? Or the ten million things that make people unhappy? Can you imagine? I think you can, because you’re doing it. You’ve always been doing it and you don’t know what life would look like without it. What would life look like if you dropped this activity? Maybe start to wonder about that if you can. I would. I’ve done it.

A regular person could tell me anything now and I could easily explain how meaningless it is within an actual life context in half a second flat. That’s how misaligned most are and yet, the mass majority of minds can not detect it. It’s a strange phenomena for me to be around but that’s what being in the herd amounts to, the total and utter waste of your entire life. To see how impotent and befuddled people are let’s just take this one, getting mad at other people. Some tiny thing occurs and instead of moving on to the next moment, and the next life thing, people become “upset” because their mind makes an enemy of the other. Then their mood goes down, and they usually end up moping around a bit. Their mind is in a loop of thought about something that happened a whole twenty minutes or an hour ago, and at the end of the day, it’s still whipping its way around in their awareness which just means they remain aware of it. They have absolutely no defense against some insignificant event doing this, nor do they realize that their own mind is actually doing this constantly with something or other. It would seem that people rarely grow and mature at all anymore. I’m not sure it’s ever happened and they raise their children to be exactly the same. No one sees what an utter waste of a good moment just this one thing is, how many more moments they might enjoy if they could just rid themselves of this one single activity.

Life is precious. Who believes it? Does anyone really believe this anymore? I know I do but if I do, then I must use my time wisely to focus on things that that matter to me. My life is whatever I want my life to be about, not what the culture or someone else thinks it should be about but just me. I must be the sole decider of meaning in my own life but what that means is I must value what I’m doing right now even if that looks like nothing to you. I must have my own reasons for doing what I do and that’s all. So if I buy a piece of clothing it’s because I want to wear it. I want to know what it feels like to wear it. I would never buy a single thread of clothing because I think you will like it. That’s absurd and yet this is exactly the culture we live in now. People do things so they can fantasize about looking good to other people. I wonder why they even need to think about other people. Why do you need an audience to validate what you like? It makes no sense to me anymore and yet I used to be one of them. I thought I needed to look a certain way in order to be authentic. Shit, I didn’t know the first thing about that word but now I do.

To be honest, I can’t figure out how anyone watches YouTube because who cares what anyone else thinks? Wouldn’t it be more interesting to find out what you think? Do you even know? Do you know yourself? If you did, then you’d know not only what you think but how it is you are thinking it. Shouldn’t that be number one? What is going on in there? Have you ever looked? I doubt it because almost no one does. They spend more time trying to turn it off or change it but why not find out what these things are first so you know what you’re dealing with? Do you even like what you’re thinking? Thinking is such a huge big part of any life, you’d think that’s the first thing we’d look at but I guess not. No, people don’t really seem to be interested in themselves or even their own life anymore, they’d rather watch to see what someone else’s is doing.

It’s the strangest thing. Most people actually look around or study others so they can somehow try to fashion themselves into either being or looking the same way. Don’t they know they are unique? That if they took the time to look or investigate themselves, they’d find out exactly how to be but it won’t look like that. Uniqueness means you’re different. That’s the whole fucking point of creating each personality with a completely unique and different set of attributes. If we were supposed to be the same, we would have been made that way, but we weren’t. There are no two exactly the same people anywhere in existence and never have been. So how interesting are you then? Only one of you, was it a mistake? Some sort of cosmic mishap has happened in which we were supposed to be alike but turns out we aren’t. Never happened and no such thing as a mishap either. The universe uses you for one thing, and if you don’t figure out what it is, you end up trying to copy someone else’s pattern but how do you think that will work out? Not very good, for one because you’re not suited to it and two, it’s not for you, it’s for them. You shouldn’t have to try to like anything. It’s pretty simple if you ask me, you either do or you don’t. There’s no in between.

So how do we learn all this shit? How the hell do we learn to be something we’re not or even someone we’re not? That’s a good question right there because I don’t think you are who you say you are. I know you’re not actually. Does a child know what they are? I’d say yes but only when they’re very young sometimes by the age of two it can start that something else, something false starts to form. If you left them alone to figure out whatever they wanted to figure out and didn’t corral them into classrooms or even playdates at such a young age, they’d never learn to follow anyone else and would forge their own path. Social media might never have happened then, can you imagine, we might have avoided the whole fiasco. I cringe when I think of a child or perhaps their parent posting a picture of anything, some event, maybe a portrait, and then waiting, checking back again and again to see how many people clicked the like button for it. Let me just say this, there will never be enough clicks even if everyone you know acknowledges how cute or adorable it is. The problem isn’t with others liking you or what you’re doing, the problem is caring whether anyone does or not. Living one’s life in need of approval of anyone or anything isn’t living one’s life. If you could just see that, that would be a start because whatever ideas a person uses to judge their own actions or life events with, it will be a lie.

Silent knowledge anyone? Have you ever heard of it? I know I don’t go in for the whole silent treatment thing but this one is different. This one is a type of knowing that only you have that is exclusively yours. There’s no need to share this with anyone once you rediscover it but you can if you want to so it has no connection with keeping your mouth shut or trying to quiet your mind. No one can give it to you and no one can take it away either. It’s not something you can really talk about because once you do it becomes distorted and quite frankly, more likely you’ll find no one wants to hear about it anyway so this is just for you. Some things are just for you. Even so that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about there being such a thing, something that only belongs to you and has never ever been replicated nor could ever be replicated, sort of like your own energetic signature which goes back to your absolute uniqueness. No two are alike nor could they be. It’s not a static thing like some fact, this one is movement, energy in motion and only you have this particular pattern. That means there’s no one else alive like you who can do and be what you can the way that you can. You were born with it but as you become assimilated into family and culture, because of the ignorant nature of current thought and trends, you lose conscious contact with it which just means you aren’t aware of it anymore. The noise of the world takes over, and another voice is created to deal with that. This other voice is really a matter of survival, if you didn’t develop the fake character you become forced to play your life as, you’d have no way of getting along with all the other freakish realities you’re coming in contact with. Let’s just put it this way, if you did not develop this false persona or facade, you would not be agreeable to what everyone else is doing around here because you’d know how irreverent it was. Children who don’t comply with the prescribed view of reality are either punished or diagnosed with maladies and actually drugged now. This has happened and continues to happen so that now we are a culture of children who physically grew but inwardly didn’t. Basically, the authentic inner urge to follow one’s silent knowledge is at odds with being a good soldier, a good student. a good follower of whatever traditions are part of your culture. Of course, it is disorienting, it becomes the basis for all anxiety because once you lose your natural inner communication with your own silent knowledge, your one true internal navigation system, now you don’t know what to do and everything feels wrong. You’re in the rat race then chasing small accomplishments that bring praise. You need praise now because you’re unsure of what you are doing. You just don’t know yourself anymore. That’s humanity now but it doesn’t have to be you. You can uncover this because it’s still there, if it wasn’t you’d be dead, you’d have ceased to exist in this realm. Yay, so that’s some good news. There’s still a way, not that you’ll find it. I don’t really think you will, in fact, if I was a betting person, I’d risk my whole house on you never finding anything. Sometimes being wrong is more fun than being right.

Think of yourself as an entity with an internal homing device, a faint internal sense is still in there somewhere, you feel it but probably don’t trust it. It’s the thing that tells you that shit is just weird. It’s some sense that humans are off in la la land and are living out a fantasy that makes no sense on any type of satisfactory level. Our lives are now basically dedicated to making money or doing stuff just to survive and often to elevate us above the other ones. We want to be recognized because we don’t recognize ourselves so outside support of the false is always sought to uphold our insane ideas about where we’re going and what we’re doing. We’re loyal to ideas that have never served anyone much less ourselves, and this loyalty to false narratives makes us prisoners to them. You’re expected to blindly go along with whatever the current trends are which usually come down to the masses through so called “experts” who are also just hallucinating. Of course, ideas that are not our own can not feel right to us, we feel that we are compromising, we’re denying what we really know to be true in favor of “looking normal” but what happens when “normal” looks like insanity? Let me tell you something. You do not want to be normal. Normal is insane. It’s thinking all the time about things that are just not true. For instance, you do not have an enemy. No one has any enemies. It’s never happened. All enemies are just you fighting with some fearful part of yourself. There is nothing and no one to prove anything to nor to get back at for anything. You’re not better nor worse than anything else in existence, because you are just existence period. Yeah, but how do you know what to do then? How does one determine what that is? When you’re in touch with your own silent knowledge the universe provides you with a framework in the way of tangible opportunities for doing stuff and you know it’s right because it doesn’t feel wrong or unsatisfactory. Of course, the false character can’t recognize any of that. That’s where the saying, “the blind lead the blind” comes from. Your own mind is full of false ideas and the only way out is to destroy all of them.

What that really means is while everyone around you is confirming the false, you somehow break out of this all encompassing movement and head out in another direction called “your own.” Think of it like this. People are born and then immerse themselves in a false reality in which they bob up and down endlessly. It’s like they’re floating in a tiny circle which they call “the world” but they are really just moving around in a tiny circumference that is hovering and never actually moves or goes anywhere. So their own mind is like a prison, it’s this little circle they are stuck in. They go from the bottom of this tiny circle up to the top and usually back down to the bottom or from side to side and call that life. Whatever they learned about life is contained within the circle. They never venture out of it because for one they don’t know they can, and for two, they don’t know that they are confined within it. They think the circle is life but then there’s you. You feel like you are suffocating within this tiny universe your mind created so now you want out of it. If you put yourself smack dab in the middle then what’s containing you are tens of thousands of interlocking circles of belief. To get out you have to blast yourself through each layer of belief that is encircling you, holding you in. Whatever feels like a real obstacle to doing what you want is one of those circles.

The forces of society and even your own family are basically against you going anywhere. That’s actually called “being selfish” now. You’re here to uphold the false and not just your own falsity but everyone else’s. If you start reading books by let’s say Jed McKenna which are the only one’s I’d recommend you’d basically be committing treason and by doing so you’d start to question everything. You might start using the word, “No” a whole lot more which won’t go over too well when people who rely on you to stay in character come calling. The whole structure is now designed to keep you where you are, as you are. Growth among a stunted population that fantasizes that they are grown up is going to be discouraged on every level.

Remember when you were a kid and you had all these grand adventurous ideas and your parents told you that they weren’t viable? Instead they said, “That’s nice, but it’s time to take your ass to bed, you’ve got school in the morning.” Maybe they led you to believe you could do those things when you were grown up but after the fifteen years or more at the brainwashing station that day never arrived. Instead you learned to follow rules and became terrified of ever breaking a single one of them. The walls of the circle had hardened. For most people that’s it, there will be a lot of drama called suffering but no real movement. And here you are. You lived the prescribed life but was it yours? Only you can answer that question. A head’s up here, it’s probably too little too late anyway. The best you can do now is accept whatever comes and learn to roll with it. Your days of escape are over. It takes a lot of energy that you’ve probably squandered by now, besides that you never learned how to replenish it, how to tap into the infinite well. You can still learn to ride this event called “your life” out in a more satisfactory way, but you’ll probably have to concede to some parts of it. What might have been for you is no more. Don’t feel too bad, I had to go through this too. That’s just the way it is now. Some things that you might have experienced while you were here have just expired but that doesn’t mean you can’t still go out like the ethereal shooting star that you are. If you can still imagine at all, you can still imagine this. At least if nothing else you finally find out this time around that life was something else and not what the world and others taught you it was. You can still think for yourself if you have the gumption to do so. You don’t need to go afraid into that final dark night, instead you can welcome it without fear and then see what’s next because it’s not the end. There was no beginning and therefore can be no end. I’d say if that’s all you find out then it’s worth the effort. In all probability, there are a trillion other worlds out there you might later pop out upon and maybe you can live it unhindered. I doubt you’d remember this one consciously, but something will remember the strides you made in dismantling it and discovering what you really are. No one knows for sure but personally, I’m going with that because I can make it up any way I want to and I like this ending but you do you. We can all improvise better than we think we can. Just remember this, it’s your life, so think what you want to. You don’t have to take someone else’s word on anything. What could they possibly know that you don’t? The answer is nothing. No one knows more than you do even if they’re good at pretending like they do. Some of us know less and I'd say that's the key that unlocks a lot of things but really how precious is your life then? This one? When will you ever be back? You may never get another chance to live like this. Do you know it? Will you ever appreciate that? The answer for the 99.99999% will be no, they’ll get a few fleeting magical moments in childhood and then go on to miss the whole fucking ride. There they are on their death bed, and they finally say, “Wait, you mean I could have thought what I wanted? I could have made up my own life and lived it like I wanted to?” and then life says, “Of course, silly, but you had your chance. I gave you clue after clue after clue and you ignored them all.” Maybe in that final moment everyone gets it and maybe you do get a second or third or hundredth go at it, but you’re here now. Don’t you think that means something? Can you say, “I’m alive” right now and be excited about it like this is the best thing that ever happened to you? I don’t see anyone else saying this. Maybe you do, I don’t know, but it looks bleak out there on the streets of my town. I see a lot of hassled people but none that say this. The look, the sparkle in their eyes just isn’t there. The fire has gone out but the body’s still moving. It can get weird. If you’re not up for some weird shit then stay with the weird you know because at least you’re used to it. This way it becomes something new all the time and most people don’t even want that. I think they like the way it is. Living a life of quiet desperation has a certain charm to it sometimes because at least you’ll know what to expect. Your circle’s not as big as you might think it is, very small I’d say even if it doesn’t feel like it. I wouldn’t trust your feelings if I were you, they tend to lie a lot when you’re not thinking properly. You should actually look into that, maybe see what’s going on there too. Personally, I would want to know myself. I know what it feels like to think lies and feel falsely, and I didn’t like it one bit. Now, it’s different. It gets to be something else I’d say. I would say it’s more like this song I’m going to leave here. I bet you didn’t know you could actually be like a song when you wanted to but you can. This is how I like it, maybe listen but only if you want to. It should be easy to know at least that much because anyway, this writing is done.

If life could speak, I think this is what it would tell you it is.

🎵 Surrender — Omar Akram

I’ll even give you the link.