The Trip No One Wants to Take

Most people will give up almost anything with one exception. They will not give up their suffering. Weird, but true. That's one of the first things I realized when I first saw the actual Truth of my situation. I learned very quickly that what I saw would have to remain hidden not because it’s so hard to discover but because no one would want it. The way humans are tied to their stories is two fold, one they believe in their pasts and two they are entrenched in them not because they want to be but because to let them go, means having to let go of who they tell themselves that they are.

I saw this firsthand with something as simple as an allergy. When I suggested that it was more than possible to get rid of them for good, the person in question wasn’t just deeply offended, she reacted as if I’d just said she might be able to live without her limbs. Her allergies were such that she’d built up an entire personality around being someone who suffered from them. Of course, as she described it to me beforehand the malady itself was constant and most uncomfortable but to suggest there was a solution, something that might vanish them, it was unheard of. The lengths she’d gone to just control her symptoms had taken years, and she’d gotten them down to where she could mentally cope with the ongoing outbreak of symptoms. I looked at her then and wondered what I’d really hit upon because it wasn’t just about her allergy, it was about her, who she was. I knew then that she’d go to any length to reinforce her story, all the things she’d tried, everything she’d suffered, indeed all she’d gone through had made her who she was right then, and it would continue to do just that. She’ll never be one to lose herself, after all what’s beyond that? Most people are too terrified to find out. The defenses of the personality itself have the upper hand, and they always will.

Letting go of your story means letting go of who you think you are. Most people don’t actually realize this, which is how they are never able to do it. They want to work with what they’ve got and make that better after all a lot of time and effort went into creating it. They’ve grown wiser and improved over the years or so they assume. Maybe they think it’s about forgiving the past or the other person, whoever and whatever caused and still causes all the pain, maybe your parent or whatever happened, everyone gets something or more, the million little things, the nagging, trivial identity is the most common to develop. A person will walk around their whole life with it and never once even suspect, that is not what they are.

I’ve actually heard it said that most people don’t suffer enough to want to wake up out of their delusion and I think there’s a lot of merit to that. When people are comfortable enough, they have neither the motivation nor the energy to break out of themselves. So they’ll stay just as they are, whatever the pattern they live, it will repeat most faithfully without something inside ever recognizing that it is. Most lives basically bounce along a line of small highs and small lows. If they get too low they know exactly what to tell themselves to get out of it, or what to do. They might go talk with a friend or go on a small shopping spree. If some disturbing drama happens, they’ll deal with it usually by blaming it on someone else. Some where deep inside they know it’s not true, which is how they continue to talk about it long after the fact always in an attempt to have the listener agree with their interpretation of the story. It never even once occurs that people ever recognize that they are the sole cause of all their troubles. Now it’s the government or the economy, that’s coming in very handy about now. It keeps everyone looking out, and never to the one place they might find something else, within.

I honestly wonder what most actually do when they’re told to look within since no one actually does it. Does that mean read an uplifting book? Or perhaps take more walks and less coffee? Maybe they think it means to pray more. That wouldn’t be a bad idea but how you pray does make a difference. If it’s a session where you ask for forgiveness and maybe more money it will be useless but setting an intention to know yourself a little better could work. I would say start there if you have to. If you did that the universe would have no choice but to oblige you in your request though a single prayer uttered on a single day has no force. Whatever upset caused you to pray, once things have returned to their equilibrium a person generally thinks their prayers have been answered and stop requesting real answers. The very idea that there is a real answer actually never occurs to them so they’ll settle for the obscurity they’ve always known along with the anxiety it causes.

What you think is your life isn't.

If you're here, it means something in you already knows that.

Maybe you can’t explain it. Maybe you keep trying to make sense of it all. Maybe you've played the roles, followed the rules, stayed in line, and still wound up asking: “Is this it?” If so, good. That question is your entry point. Not into something new, but into something true. That’s what you really want even if you don’t know it, especially when you don’t know what you’re looking for. Something’s off about this place we call the world. Why is everyone so afraid to just say that? That something’s not right? That humans seem hell bent on stupidity and are all kinds of crazy not just some of the time but all of the time. What is anyone even talking about anymore? Is it even remotely interesting or just the same story rehashed in a slightly different version a trillion ways to the sun over the past hundred thousand years? Does anyone even have a new story these days or have you heard them all? Because what are we doing here? Has anyone you know ever answered the question? Why be born? Why live just to die? Doesn’t it make more sense that there’s more to this life stuff than what most are knowing? There is because that actually makes sense. Why shouldn’t life make sense? It should and can.

I’m not going to offer you spiritual fluff. I can’t comfort you or sell you some perfectly wrapped dream of eternal peace and bliss. This writing is dangerous to the part of you that never wanted to see clearly. This is the kind of stuff that gets hidden under floorboards, burned in church fires, and locked in the basement of your thoughts. It's been trying to get your attention for years. I would go back to what you were doing if I were you. What you’re looking for can’t be found here because what you’re looking for can’t be found anywhere. All the spiritual stuff you’ve read about is mere fantasy, just not yours. No one can give you that because here you have to write your own stories. I don’t have a story that will work for you. No one can write another’s story. Maybe every spiritual book should start with a disclaimer: No one else’s story will work for you.

Waking up isn't about learning something new. It’s about burning down what never was. It's about seeing through the illusion you were handed, the identity you were programmed with, the world you were told was real. It's about remembering what you are, not who you were told to be. Who really wants this? Don’t you already have some kind of life there? It hasn’t worked out yet but there’s still time, maybe next year right? Maybe when the politics of our time has calmed down. That would be a better time. There’s too much going on right now. and so much other stuff to look at like what the president did last week. Do you ever wonder why you even care? When was the last time any political movement did anything for you? Can you even site such a thing? What was it? Cheaper taxes? Better health care? Have you ever truly been in control of your own life, everything just up to you? It’s never happened right? And it never will if you stay with who you think you are and what you already think you know. All human ideas and stories repeat but does anyone notice? How many times can it recycle itself without being revealed? Forever probably. I see no indications anywhere that anything will ever change. Humans go through periods of calm usually while ideas are built up and then the upheaval when they fail. Do you think we’re out of the patterns of the past? If the Roman empire was able to take over most of the world, what’s coming next? Who’s the next Roman empire and what parts of the world will it conquer? Did you think our days of conquering were over? Think again, most of the people were conquered without even knowing they were. Now that’s some clever shit, but the same pattern. If you want to live in a new world, you’ll first have to break out of the one you think you’re in. No one wants to hear this, but the world doesn’t need to change, only you do. Then the world will change right along with you. That’s strange, how would that work? Maybe think about it, think long and hard about how this might be. If we see the world not how it is but how we are, then what is it? Think about that too because I don’t think you know. I can tell you don’t actually. I would say the trip you’d have to take is a lot longer than you think it is.

Have you ever considered giving something, anything really, all you’ve got? What would that look like? People have children and don’t even go the extra mile there, but I’m not talking about the extra mile, I’m talking about all you got as in all of whatever you’ve got there. You know how people used to stand on the side of the road with a hitch hiker’s sign that maybe said, “Las Vegas or bust.” What was the bust? Was it if they had to they’d walk all the miles to get there? Yeah, but then they got rides right? So there was no bust going on. It was just a saying, a euphemism that meant they were determined to get to their destination. That’s not the kind of resolve I’m talking about. That kind is for people who have failed before they even started. No, I’m talking about taking a trip that is by all practical means and measures absolutely fucking impossible. I’m talking about taking a trip where anyone who tries to give you a ride whether that’s one mile down the road or a hundred in what seems like the right direction will take you in the opposite one. A trip where no one can help you take a single step without putting you miles out of your way, in the wrong state or even the wrong country. How fun would that be? There’s no one to travel with and no clear signs anywhere to be found. How would you ever find your way? What kind of resolve would you have to have to take a trip like that? A trip where you’d have to discard all advice and even encouragement because it would be a distraction to where you’re trying to go. This is the kind of trip where if you can’t read the sign then it’s not a sign. If you don’t know what it is then you find out. A trip so long there are no short cuts anywhere, and it goes on as long as it does. Any short cut you take might add on another couple of years. No one can tell you when you’ve reached the end, the only one who could ever know that would be you.

Life could be that trip. I think originally everyone was meant to take it. Human beings were made for this type of freedom but then something else came in. Comfort. Comfort bred stagnation. Stagnation led to all the illness. And now we’re here, like this. Pretty sad, but hey, you know if it’s enough for you, great. I’m happy for you. I just hope it is. I would want to be one hundred and fifty percent certain about this. Well, this is your life, it’s happening now, maybe there’s reincarnation or maybe that’s just a story humans made up to make not living this life easier. This way we can tell ourselves there’s another chance. I don’t think there is. That’s the chance you take when you decide this is good enough. Me? I knew I didn’t have another chance. It was take this trip or forget about life all together. I had already tried everything else anyway, so I knew where that went, no where, circle upon circle upon circle. All I was, was dizzy.

Of course, no one can tell you where to start or even if to start. This is a very personal thing I’d say, totally up to you. Some people have the depth of energy while most don’t. We arrive into this world believing lies and often depart no wiser. Ignorance is only bliss when it stays unseen; the real suffering comes from the things we’re sure we do know.

Most never wake up. But someone will—and it might as well be you.